I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
