someone threw a dead crab at me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
