I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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