Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
