I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
