You smell like stripper and shame
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
