one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
