I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
