i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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