I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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