Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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