Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
