And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
