Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
