she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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