3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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