A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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