There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
