I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
