I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
