My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
