I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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