guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
