After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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