dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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