**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
