I think I died a long time ago.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
