My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
