So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
