Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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