omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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