Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
