apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
