the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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