My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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