he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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