Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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