dude i'm inner monologue high
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
