So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
