Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
