just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
