I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
