sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
