he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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