When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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