hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
