Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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