I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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