The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
