there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
