I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
