How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
