Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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