don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
