I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
