i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
