I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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