if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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