Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
