THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
