from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
