And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Enjoy the penises
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
