Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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