I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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