Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
