first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
40s are totally the cure
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
