Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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