Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
