just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
