His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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