i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
