Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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