you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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