It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
