I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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