So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
