shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
